The Phoenix based band Co-Audio is ramping up for another set of shows in the valley. In preparation for that, and with a new band member in tow (welcome JoJo), I had another chance to shoot these bad, bad dudes.
I just wrote this in a forum post… I need to get it off my chest.
“When I planted a church waaaaaaay back in 2009, It was my intention to make it a place where both men and women could experiment and exercise their spiritual gifts, any of them. It didn’t take long for both sexes to fall into their “traditional roles”. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know whether the women of our new community were just not particularly called to a more vocal leadership role… or whether they didn’t know how to “do it” and thus, they didn’t… or if I did a poor job in offering any kind of mentorship to those with interest/talent in it.
Or maybe, I wanted something that felt like validated my community as progressive and relevant, when it wasn’t actually necessary at the time.
It’s a mystery I’ve still never been able to really figure out. I feel like I failed as a leader in that aspect of my ministry.” – Me
So, there’s that. I’m pretty sure I could do better given another opportunity at it.
I remember that time I made a terrible first impression with you. I don’t remember if I had been stuck in traffic, or if I hadn’t eaten, or if I forgot deodorant that day, but something happened, and I wasn’t respectful of you and your time like I should have been.
I remember that time I tried to impress you with a witty joke, and I came across like a real jackass. My comment was offensive, unthoughtful, and out of a desperation to have you believe I am still relevant and entertaining to you.
I haven’t forgotten the time you were talking, and I wasn’t listening to you as much as I was waiting for you to take a breath so I could jump in and say something awesome. I was going to one-up you, because I felt like I had to match you. Everything is a competition, you know.
That time I promised you something, but then didn’t come through on it? Well, that’s because I haven’t quite learned how to control the universe. I know that I didn’t come through, and even after all this time, it still gets to me. I still remember it like it was this morning.
So many mistakes, man. I remember so many stupid things I’ve done to so many people who didn’t deserve it.
Funny thing is, I don’t remember anything dumb, thoughtless, or insensitive that you’ve done to me. Sure, maybe in the moment I recognize it, but that was so long ago… how do you expect me to keep track of the silly things you did…
I can’t for the life of me recall you doing any of the above to me.
tl/dr: Don’t worry about other people keeping score of your foul-ups, most times they so are focused on their own, that they won’t notice.
I was listening to NPR this morning (well, half listening) when an interview about military expectations came on, I think. It’s what it sounded like to me at least. I’m not going to look it up. It’s the internet, you can do it for yourself if you don’t believe me.
The topic of young soldiers and the old generals was being discussed, and the reporter analogized that relationship as young gorillas trying to meet approval of their elder silverback alpha gorillas. That thought caught my full attention. Why?
Because it was a little too on the nose.
Because it was a little two-dimensional.
Because it was bathed in a bit of misogyny.
Because I love primates and their unique sociological structures.
Because it felt true.
How often growing up did I find myself trying to make my own path, but still try to gain the approval of the old silverbacks in my community? Too many times if I’m being transparent. Even with the pseudo-joy I had in being an anti-hero, a contrarian, or a literate rebel, I still had eyes on the alphas, hoping they would notice. At least if they noticed, they could challenge me to a fight, or perhaps invite me to their mahogany clad war rooms filled with Rocky Patel smoke and stains of fine bourbon splattered on their red leather chairs.
Now, a brief word. I know this post stinks of testosterone and hyper masculinity. My intent is not to promote or condone a certain social code or hierarchy structure, only to commentate on the particular one that I chose to adopt for much of my life. Alright, back to it.
How much energy did I spend trying to win the attention of old silverbacks? Grinding to be innovative, entertaining, creative, and dangerous for them? I chased a higher circle that I didn’t want to be in, and that they didn’t want me in.
For so many years, that is what I did.
I don’t know when it exactly changed, but it has. There are still the old silverbacks, but I don’t really care anymore about their approval or their gauntlet I’d need to run to be one of them. Maybe that just comes with age; with limited energy and more significant relationships comes a satisfaction with what tree we rest under.
Worst case scenario, I become a silverback, and young leaders learn to ignore me. I hope it never comes to that. I’d rather be the cool-ass owl who reads lots of books and empowers young animals of all Latin derivations and sexes to develop their own communities of health and success.
As a part of our bi-decade trip to San Francisco, Katie surprised me with a trip to the Anchor Distillery, home of Anchor Steam beer and other wonderful libations. The tour we went on was spot on (thanks Bobby, you stud). While I know well the story of beer, and the story of Anchor Brewing, it was a genuine treat to get to walk through the facility and see how this company at the forefront of brewing makes it’s own particular form of magic happen.
NRA’s Wayne LaPierre has continued to used his mantra,”The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun“.
Well, there are many good guys with guns at airports here in the U.S.
And now people are shot and at least one is dead.
There’s a lot to love about being the Bad Guy.
- No need to hedge your bets.
- You become a known quantity.
- You’re your own fashion icon.
- Maniacal laugh. Maniacal laugh. Maniacal laugh.
- You always have a plan.
- Someone always wants you.
- You’re true to yourself, no need for an alter-ego.
- You dream big.
- You are guaranteed to have a better sense of humor than your arch-nemesis.
- Mustaches are both acceptable and encouraged.
- I hear the union dues are low.