To Those Being Raptured on Saturday,

Greetings.

It seems as though some of you have concluded that Saturday is the end of the age, and the dawning of eternity (as you have defined it). With this belief, you have shared with us that you believe you will be taken up from our planet, and taken to a celestial heaven, never returning to this little rock that we call earth, ever again.

So, with that reality nearly upon us, I have only one request.

Give us your money.

Specifically, give churches or other worthy non-profit organizations your money. The ones that aren’t orthodox enough to make it this first cut. You know, like mine.

Here’s my thought on it; if you are planning on being raptured on Saturday, you really need to go ahead and forward our church plant your finances.

Seriously.

I mean, you won’t need it anymore, you’re going to heaven. And us down here? We will still have the hungry, the hurting, the broken, and the oppressed.  We’ll use the hundreds of thousands of dollars that you leave behind to incite breakouts of justice and compassion all over our cities and towns, and we can take care of people who are genuinely in need in our community.

Can you imagine the joy you will give to God when you can say, “Lord, right before you zapped up off of the earth, I gave all of my money to some other Christians, and they used it to take care of the VERY SAME people that we stood next to with our placards telling them that the world was ending!”. I’ll tell you right now, God will definitely have a STRONG response to that!

Of course…there is the other option.

Leave it all in your accounts, which will make it unusable. Teach us all a lesson that you were right, and we were wrong. In the end, that’s really what God cares about; being right above all else. The one in the end with the most right answers wins – Jesus said that in the book of Luke I think.

Don’t waste your money of buying groceries for the single parent households, bettering education in our inner city schools, help end human trafficking,  or lifting ideas and policies of equality for all human beings. No, that would be a waste of your resources…

WAIT! I’ve got an even better idea.

Instead of giving it to us, or letting it rot away in a bank account,  print HUGE posters and put up GIANT billboards and make COLORFUL tracts telling us all that we were wrong, and have them put up on Sunday, and the days following your rapture, so that we can see you were right!

One word of advice, though. If you choose the latter, please make sure that you pay for any of those things upfront, before Saturday. We wouldn’t want people getting the impression that Christians try to skip out on their responsibilities, or were cheap, or selfish, or had their head in the wrong game.

Thanks for your time. Enjoy storming the castle.