Quit trolling me, Starbucks.

[Scene] David pulls up to the Starbucks drive-thru window, listening to a mundane podcast about chemistry and cooking. He lowers the driver side window to speak to the large, monolithic, order screen. The hot air from the humid summer morning blasts him with an oppressive force, causing him to make a face like he just crammed a handful of super sour candies in his mouth.  

Barista: [Through the speaker,with great exuberance and aggression] IT’SAGREATMORNINGWELCOMETOSTARBUCKSWHATCANISTARTMINGKFORYOUTHIS MORNING? 

David: Urr, ahh, I’d like an iced venti Caramel Macchiato, please. 

Barista: AVENTIICEDCARARMELMACCHIATO?GREATANYTHINGELSETHISMORNING? 

David: Um, no, thats it… 

Barista: SUPERI’LLHAVEYOURTOTALFORYOUATTHEWINDOW. 

David: K, thanks.  [Slowly drives forward]

[Fade to Black

—- 

[Tile on Screen]  The Next Morning

Fades to same scene as the previous, only a different podcast plays on in the background, this one centering on the pros and cons of the design of rebar. 

Barista: [Lethargic, distant, and obviously hung over]: (mumble) Starbucks (mumble) today? 

David: Yeah, can I get a venti iced Caramel Macchiato? 

Barista: [long, awkward pause. So long, that David almost begins to repeat his order]  (mumbles) iced venti (mumbles) Macciahto?

David: Yeah.. Caramel Macchi-

Barista: drivearound. 

[David stares, furrow browed, into the eye of the order speaker, hoping that such intense glares cause the barista to shamefully repent of his discourteous ways. This, as always, fails, and he drives forward to claim his prize…]

[scene] 

—- 

The Moral of the Story: I don’t know what it is about Starbucks, but I think they have a trolling game going on to entertain themselves with the customers. It used to be just occasional, but now it happens every time I order.  

If I order an iced-venti blah blah blah, they read it back as a venti-iced blah blah blah.

Conversely, 

if I order a venti-iced blah blah blah, they read it back to me as an iced-venti blah blah blah.

It’s small and silly, but it irks me every time. I realize I am a shallow person if this bugs me, but I’d rather not be made a pawn of in the Grand Starbucks scheme of world domination. I guess the easy way out would be to not go anymore, but who am I, Superman??

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One Comment

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  1. Funny but I’m sure you know there are ordering steps, as follows: Start with the size of the drink, then the name, then any amendments you want to make. For example, order a “grande chai tea latte with extra foam. At least that’s what I saw in a little brochure. Whether or not the barista repeats it that way may have something to do with how long they’ve been working there! Never know. 🙂

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